Archive for the ‘Rant’ Category

Add Nauseam

Wednesday, April 7th, 2010

So a quick shout out to any Javascript programmers. Please note that Javascript can’t add, multiply, subtract or divide. Let me repeat that for you: Javascript can’t add, multiply, subtract or divide.

I know it sounds implausible that the base code for all web browsers (ie. the internets) can’t do basic math. But I’ll prove it too you. Open up your “Error Console” (Firefox’s Tools->Error Console) and type the following basic math, followed by enter:

1.519+0.075

The Result:

Yep, according to Javascript, 1.519+0.0750 = 1.593999999999 (for all the math wizards out there, the correct answer is just 1.594).

I don’t want to hear those “Javascript Apologetics” out there blame something else, like the ways floating point numbers are calculated or that it’s the browser or whatever — if I were to design a programming language of any quality at all, Requirement #1 would be “can do basic math.” This imperfect result is in no way useful to me. I can’t even round it back to the right number reliably since the fractional inaccuracy isn’t consistent.

There is a solution, albeit an asinine one (since you really, really, really should NOT have to deal with this in the first place) but if you convert the number to a pure integer, do the math, and then convert it back to a decimal, then it all comes out mathematically correct.

Observe, the solution:

Math.round((1.519*Math.pow(10,3) + 0.075*Math.pow(10,3)))/Math.pow(10,3);

Yes, all of that to just add two numbers and get the correct result. To break it down:
  1. Math.pow is a way to do exponents. First argument is the base, second the exponent. So Math.pow(10,3) is the same as 10 ^ 3 (which equals 1000).
  2. The 1000 is then multiplied to each number: 1000 * 1.519 + 1000 *  0.075
  3. The result is 1519 + 75. Since these are whole integers, Javascript won’t do any fancy calculation-ruining floating point math. The result is simply 1594.
  4. Math.round will cut off any trailing decimals (though I’d recommend you just increase the precision with Math.pow instead).
  5. Now it will divide by 1000 to get it back down to a decimal: 1594 / 1000 = 1.594

There we go! We now skirt the whole floating-point error issue by using whole number arithmetic! It’s just that easy! Call now, and you all receive subtraction AND multiplication at no additional charge!

Subtraction:
function addNumbers(num1, num2, precision){
return Math.round((num1*Math.pow(10,precision) – num2*Math.pow(10,precision)))/Math.pow(10,precision);
}
Multiplication:
function multNumbers(num1, num2, precision){
Math.round((num1 * num2)*Math.pow(10,precision))/Math.pow(10,precision);
}

That is all. </rant>

-Andy

Spam I Am

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

Like any WordPress blog, I get  a decent amount of spam comments. Even for a blog as backwoods as this, I still get a good handful every week. I covered how to set up spam controls on your wordpress blog before – but no spam filter is perfect and a few are bound to get through. I thought I’d share with you the system I’ve come up with to determine if any given comment is spam. If I had the time I’d write my own plug-in to detect and filter these, but the basic principle would go like this:

If the comment is in any way a compliment – it’s spam.

The fact is that no right-minded person would like this crap. It’s simply glaringly obvious when the comment is glowing with rave reviews that it was not written by an actual reader of your website. Here’s a few of the gems that I’ve received over the last few weeks that are so complimentary that they practically scream spam:

“Another quality post. I put in a plug for this blog at mine. So, I am sure many people forget the points you are making.”  — That’s true, many people do forget that Captain Picard finds his iPhone an ‘Amazing non-Borg extension of his human hand‘.

“Well said! If I could write like this I would be well happy. The more I see articles of such quality as this (which is rare), the more I think there might be a future for the Net. Keep it up, as it were.” — If only I could be well happy too…

“One has to ponder what the eventual final result of all of this could be – that said, impressive views yet again on this subject – and your webblog is still a first class supply of facts.” — To the spammer’s credit, this article did include a graph. However any graph whose title begins with “Pigeon vs.” is unlikely to be a first class supply of facts.

“You truly outdid yourself today. Well done” — Thanks? Frankly it’s not all that flattering if all I have to do is post a video of a keyboard cat knockoff to ‘outdo’ myself…

“For one am glad for this excellent article. Often times, the greatest content originate from the websites one may not expect. Recently, I did not give much thought to placing comments on web log posts and have left feedback even less. Looking through your powerful post, may well encourage me to take action more regularly.” — You’re too kind! I can see how an article about fake corrections to articles I never posted would be, if anything, powerful.

“Very interesting information here plenty to chew on thank you.” — Somehow I don’t think an article about a Verizon ad for Droid gave you much to digest…

“Hi all great information here and good thread to comment on. May I ask how did you think of these ideas ?” — Oh why thank you! To answer your question, I usually steal this crap from Reddit

If these guys had half a brain they’d write comments about how idiotic and wrong I am about everything – it’s a lot harder to pick those out from the real comments.

-Andy

Windoz 7 4 UR Phone

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

"Golden Days" of Treo

It seems that Microsoft has finally decided to enter the Mobile market with their own OS. Oh what’s that you say? They’ve had a mobile version for years now? Oh yes, I remember now. It was that bland “mini me” copy of 2000/XP, with it’s cute little Start button, it’s cluttered home screen, it’s ‘massive’ collection of some of the worst software to ever be conceived. It replicated all the hardships of Windows in a convenient, on-the-go handheld headache.

Back in the day when “Mobile OS” meant PDA’s (not phones), I remember all the fun I had with Palm’s simplistic, minimalist PalmOS. It made a casual device feel, well, supremely casual. I remember the clean white sheets laced with playful colors on my Handsprings, the slick stylings of the menus on my Clié. Thinking back even further to the powerhouse that was the Apple Newton -  a device so ahead of it’s time, so feature rich than even it’s modern equivalents don’t exceed it functionally – I recall hours wasted playing games, taking notes in classes, even downloading programs straight from the internet. In 1994.

What I remember of Windows Mobile was an unnavigable sea of horrid software, a clunky port of Win2000’s already unimaginative interface, and the inevitability of freezing, crashing, and force-quitting whatever you managed to get running on the retched thing.

The lack of good software wasn’t really the programmer’s fault, however. I remember having to write a program on the platform, nothing too complex mind you, simple data entry with a server-side back end. Getting code to run on it was like a dream … in which I was being constantly beaten over the head with a splintery baseball bat. It’s a shock people bothered coding on it at all.

There’s a reason it’s popularity has dropped year over year and why the devices running it were the first PDA’s to die off and disappear. There was plenty of room for Windows Mobile to grow, but instead they lost ground to a (at the time) comparatively feature-poor RIM Blackberry, whose terrible click-wheel interface, dreadful setup and unreliable syncing stand as a testament to exactly how much worse Windows Mobile really was. When you boil down the argument to it’s most basic form, there is really only one reason Windows Mobile died off:

It sucked.

Not even the most dedicated fanboys have carried the flame. If there ever was a time for it to be born again from the ashes – what with Apple, RIM, and Palm gobbling up all the nooks and crannies in the booming mobile market – this is it.

And so it has been reborn, as the blogosphere is raving, and “Everything is Different”! All I can say is thank god. I hated how complex and frustrating Mobile Windows has been. It’s going to be cleaner, sexier, and so much simpler. So, please tell me, what did they call this revolution?

Windows Phone 7 Series.

Seriously? You’re going with that? That phrase barely makes sense … It sounds like something you’d see spelled out accidentally in magnetic fridge-poetry. Maybe they forgot to name it, and this morning when they wrote the press release, Balmer just started spouting words. “Oh what’s it called? It’s … uhm, windows … ph-phone, yes that’s it, windows phone .. the number seven …. er, series.”

We’re off to a fantastic start.

It’s clear from the name alone that Microsoft has really spent the time to drastically simplify the experience for their end users. NOT. Let me see, since we didn’t spend any time picking the name, they must have spent all of it revamping the interface. You know, really tearing down all their preconceptions and starting from square one.

Well, looking at the new home screen (on the right), I think they took the “square one” thing far too literally:

Left: Old and busted. Right: New hotness.

It’s hard not to improve on the word-vomit of Windows Mobile 6, really. So let’s see, with <do I have to type it? Ugh…> with Windows Phone 7 Series you can see at a glance:

  1. How many phones you have (in this case, 2)
  2. Your collection of canoeing pictures from StockPhotos.com
  3. An animated GIF of the logo for Xbox Live
  4. A mosaic of your ex’s from Facebook

It astounds me how Microsoft always puts emphasis on shear quantity of features over the slightest thought to real usability. Now instead of word-vomit, we  have what I will coin as colored-squares-vomit. This interface is literally assaulting me with color and 90° angles.

While it tip-toes on a ingeniously simple getup, it still manages to miss the mark on what people will probably use it for. A link to my Xbox profile taking up precious home screen real estate? There is literally no reason for me to want to check my Xbox profile anywhere, anytime other than when I’m on the Xbox. I just don’t get why this is cool. You can already look this crap up online, not that it was particularly interesting to begin with. And it made the home screen?

Ok so let’s move on, we’ve got photos, social portals, solitare:

Nothing to big to complain about here. I can’t really say I’m excited about a photo collection on my phone, I guess welcome to the 21st century on that one. I love the idea that I can simultaneously spam Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter at the same time. God knows I love redundancy. The Games section looks pretty sparse, and I am not liking that it’s bookended by ‘Spotlight’ ads on either side. Bleh.

Now let’s get onto the really important part of any mobile platform these days: the internet!

Oh for the love of all that is holy – it’s running f#@%ing Internet Explorer. Blog post over. Seriously, I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming. I honestly thought the only people that still used IE these days were the last 3 AOL users and companies with Stalinist IT departments. Get ready to hate the web all over again!

The only way I think it could be worse is if they integrated it tightly with Bing…

-Andy

Engage!-ing

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

Patrick Stewart and his take on the iPhone:

  • Amazing non-Borg extension of his human hand
  • Perfect for people who hate making phone calls
  • Can determine weather at Heathrow Airport from Starbase 117
  • Great for looking up that one forgotten line of Shakespeare
  • Games will be the end of us all

-Andy

The iPad Revolution

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

Here’s the thing – Apple has been doing this for a very long time. If you find yourself saying “Oh the iPad sucks – it doesn’t have blank OR blank …What does it even do? Why would ANYONE possibly need this?!?” … then I’m sorry to say you still don’t get it.

I’ve been hearing these same old tired arguments since 1990 – when people didn’t understand why you’d want a computer that didn’t run Windows. They didn’t understand what you could do with a Mac – “Without Windows how can you _____ (fill in with something from 1990’s software library)??” I won’t lie – the fact was that Windows back then 1) had a much wider set of software available for it, 2) was a lot cheaper, and 3) could be a lot faster. So why would anyone purchase a Mac?

If here, in 2010, you still can’t answer that question, even if you do prefer Windows to this day – then you’d really missed their company philosophy entirely. And that’s a big deal considering how large an influence Apple has in the computer industry these days.

Don’t agree? Then answer me this: How many iPods have you owned so far? If it’s more than 1 … you should really get it. You purchased a product that was probably less-feature rich than competitors at the time (no radio, locked to iTunes, shorter battery life, battery wasn’t swappable, etc.). Why would you do such a thing? The answer is a lot less convoluted than most people admit. It wasn’t what it did, it was how you could use it. Plain and simple – more is less, less is more. Apple time and time again releases products with serious competitive shortcomings when you look at a straight-up feature list, but somehow they gain popularity to the point where they actually define new industry standards for usability.

You might be inclined to think the iPad is no iPod – that it’s uniquely crippled, so let’s take a moment to review. Here is what people said, what Apple fanboys nontheless, said about the original iPod in 2001:


“Gee! an mp3 player with a [hard drive]!” – ooh wow

“$400 for an Mp3 Player! … [It] wont sell, and [will] be killed off in a short time…and it’s not really functional.” - elitemacor

“Any way you spin this it is:
1. Not revolutionary. …
2. A bad fit. …
3. Without a future.” - Meetoo

[via MacRumors]

The iPad is exactly the same kind of product as the iPod was. It’s even got the same reviews. And it is going to be successful for the same reasons. It takes something really rather complex (a whole computer) and boils it down to a uniquely simplistic, casual medium. If you think about the average users out there – many don’t really understand their computers, not entirely. They tolerate them. People don’t really need a nest of files and folders, control panels and installers, device managers and drivers – they just need basic internet access, a way to view and hear their media, and maybe few simple games. The rest is really just trees obscuring the forrest.

Jason McC. Smith of The Microsoft Blog does a pretty good job explaining this:

“Windows and the Mac are, really, just two variants of the same theme: a geek machine. Consumers recognize they don’t need a pro-level machine, so they buy something cheap – but it’s just a badly hobbled pro machine, not a consumer machine.”
[via seattlepi]

Even as a developer, after I get home from work, I don’t really need a Core 2 Duo MBP with 512 MB of VRAM to just browse Reddit. Or even to write these blog entries. I especially don’t need a short battery life, a 6 lb. footprint, and a screaming 100° processor while just watching some TV, or eating a bowl of cereal in the morning. My iPhone would be perfect for these times – if it weren’t too small to browse, or too slow to handle it.

This is where the iPad fits a lot of our lives very nicely. It brings casual computing to the mainstream, in a way that leverages the usability of the iPhone with the size and power of an actual computer. I really think the iPad will spark a whole new era of simple, clean computing, in much the same way the iPod revolutionized MP3 players. In a sea of increasingly convoluted, complex computer systems, Apple has once again rethought the concept entirely, and come up with something that will, in all likelihood, be surprisingly convenient and fun to use.

No one needed an iPod – they were fine with CD’s. No one needed an iPhone – they were fine with their Blackberry’s. No one needed a MacBook – they were fine with their Dells.

And now more than half the laptops on campuses are Macs, everyone and their mother has an iPhone, and most people have owned a half dozen iPods in the short decade they’ve been around. Give it time, wait for the initial shock to wear off and the traditional resistance to die down, and I’d bet you’ll start seeing these things show up in the hands of those you’d least expect.

They called the iPod the “revolution in your pocket” – the iPad is simply the revolution on your desk.

-Andy

Black Belt Idiocy

Monday, December 21st, 2009

It’s been a long-established tradition to meme (that’s a verb right? Well, it is now) the infamous Chuck Norris. There must be millions of Norris-themed entries on YTMND alone. From ironic to iconic – it seems like he’s unfortunately here to stay, and forum boards may never be the same.

Well, damn it, it’s time to stop.

No more jokes, no more parodies, no more humorous anecdotes. It’s time we buried his Internet personality. Alive. Not because these references peaked comedically years ago (which would seem to be reason enough) but because in all seriousness this guy is a certified nut-job and his disturbing opinions are getting far more attention than warranted. I would have brought this up sooner, but honestly it’s taken this much time for his contrived works to bubble up in popularity enough for me to notice.

He apparently has a biweekly spot on a website that puts the crack in crackpot, WND.com. Here Chuck rants and raves with the wisdom of Glen Beck and the cult-following of Sarah Palin. You can read the articles if you’d like to get a complete picture – but their titles alone make the point: “Chestnuts roasting on a Copenhagen fire”, “Away With The Manger”, and my favorite “What if Mother Mary had Obamacare?” I had heard bits and pieces of his bigotry and ignorance for years now – I honestly never took it serious. But instead of seeing his fame wane, it’s steadily growing. He’s even coming out with a book dedicated solely to his irate political and socioeconomic ideals. It disturbs me how many copies he might actually sell in 2010.

So before he’s gets the chance, it’s time to stop all this. Right now.

At a bare minimum, I could argue his ideas are simply unoriginal, un-insightful, and tedious. From an objective stance – they are mainly just regurgitated thoughts from equally idiotic Fox News correspondents. This should be enough to simply ignore the articles altogether, but with his odd internet-fame he’s managing to get a decent number of hits.

What Chuck does is take seemingly simple ‘crazy’ ideas and add his own special, secret blend of ‘crazy’ to them.The outcome leaves the foreboding taste of good ‘ol fanatical, radical republicanism. Don’t get me wrong here, I have many republican friends, even a few republican ideals myself – I’m referring strictly to the new branch of ultra-rights, Tea Party zombies; if this were baseball, they’d be so far off the right they’d be foul.

Take his article “Chestnuts roasting on a Copenhagen fire” for example. The article mostly just bullet points a series of disjointed “facts” about a supposed global warming conspiracy – I guess taking the Copenhagen emails as some kind of smoking gun. I’ve read several of these emails – it’s amazing what they actually say in context – and many other people (like, actual scientists) have spoken up and said that the emails themselves really don’t show evidence of any coverup or conspiracy whatsoever. It’s also not like these guys are the only people in the entire world to study and document evidence for global warming – and while I won’t make any specific stance here as to weather it’s true or false – these emails are for all purposes inconsequential. Norris states that apparently “32,000 U.S. scientists” don’t think it’s clear humans are the primary cause, which is a fine enough point if that’s your opinion. What’s stupid is how he tries to drive the point home. In the rest of the paragraph he laments that getting people to Copenhagen would release 40k tons of carbon dioxide in the air. If his point is that humans aren’t the primary cause, then in reality it wouldn’t matter if it took 40k tons or 400k tons, now would it? He writes, “Why is our president ‘contributing to global warming’ by flying that super-jumbo 747” - further self-defeating his own argument by both rallying that humans aren’t the cause while asking us to condemn the president for causing more of it. It’s mind numbing logic.

Chuck’s article grandly demonstrates how excruciatingly uninformed (or perhaps misinformed) he is on the subject, compounding the effect by neglecting to provide any actual substance to his position, choosing rather to jump from one disjointed idea to another. He literally goes from Copenhagen to John Holdren to the U.N. to the GRL to NASA to the EPA in just five short sentences. Like a rock skipping across the surface, he simply assumes his readers will connect dots and draw their own skewed picture with him.

His arguments just get more sensationalized from there. In “What if Mother Mary had Obamacare?”, he writes, “Democrats in Congress drove a sword through the womb of the unborn” and asks us, “What would have happened if Mother Mary were covered by Obamacare?” Firstly, he’s simply missing the point of the section of the bill in question, which provides funding to organizations whose primary doctrines are to promote and better facilitate safe sex through education, testing, and contraception. The article he cites actually describes this mantra negatively, if you can believe it. Frankly if anything, funding these organizations simply would seem to reduce the need for abortion, but that’s apparently beside the point. For some reason, Norris also confuses this regional change in fiscal policy with Obamacare – the term we are all familiar with in reference to the national health care bill. Apparently he doesn’t know the difference. Again, the article is simply low on substance, high on sensationalism. He can’t even stay on topic and by the end of this article he begins ranting about global warming again for no clear reason. When he implies Obama would personally have aborted baby Jesus reductio ad hitlerum - I just lose all respect for the argument and even more for the man behind them.

His latest article is really just more and more of the same bullshit, “Gone are the days when presidents and most politicians publicly rejoice in the birth of Christ.” What days were those exactly? Apparently no one told him that the founding fathers were atheist, agnostic, and anti-government. Also, they forgot to mention Christ wasn’t born on December 25th (the date has many other possible origins, but there is substantial evidence Christ wasn’t born on that day), and that the ritual itself is largely based on pagan ideals. He cites the warm, fuzzy Christmas traditions of many of our presidents of old – like Coolidge, Hover, Grant. I guess it really doesn’t matter that Coolidge was well known at the time for his mishandling of massive floods in a span of mismanagement and government incompetence unparalleled until Bush and Katrina; or that Hoover’s fiscal policies were so inept that it sparked our nations largest depression in our collective history (you may have heard of it, I think it was called THE GREAT DEPRESSION); or that Grant was arguably one of the most corrupt presidents of all time, granting massive retroactive bonuses, running a Whiskey ring with millions in taxpayer funds, and cutting deals with a Navy contractor to earn kickbacks to build himself a summer home. Chuck really didn’t care about any of that though – because damn it, they liked Christmas.

The point, unsurprisingly, was that Obama, “enabled an anti-Christian agenda unlike any former president by revising America’s religious history.” Hmm, I really think the founding fathers might have enabled that more than any other president in history, but maybe he missed that part of the Constitution, I mean it is the first part, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion…”. It’s also ridiculous to require Obama enforce your own Christian ideals. That’s not just my opinion though – it’s also in the damned Constitution, “no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States”. He ironically called for Obama to “use and cite the Constitution” – which Norris so glaringly misinterprets and neglects.

If we go back further into the shit-pile of “articles” Norris has constructed on WND, I can find a myriad of examples of him either misinterpreting the nature of the founding fathers by pushing his ideals onto them, or conversely quoting them directly on issues we really can’t support anymore regardless (usually regarding civil liberties). It’s important that we take their personal views with a grain of salt – I mean a lot of these guys owned slaves, they probably aren’t the modern world’s best template to guide social policy anymore.

Really the very location of these articles is enough to bury them – WND is notorious for this kind of “red literature” – nothing but an endless see of baseless anger and seudo-christian-ideals. Any rational thinker would reject these – but his fame is attracting a disturbing following of non-thinkers. If these few articles aren’t enough for you, he “is against public schools condoning homosexuality,” and fought staunchly for Prop 8. He wrote in November of this year, a quote from Lincoln,  ”Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.” Ironic considering one of his primary messages is denying the freedom of others. He also had this to say about evolution: “It’s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live.” Fantastic.

Norris has been somewhat outspoken about his delirious political views for some time – thankfully his opinions have generally been buried in obscurity, on the fringes. But these biweekly articles, the political books, the syndications – they are lifting this uneducated daytime-TV actor on an ever-higher pedestal, ironically tying his (until now) obscure ideals in with Palin’s. Frankly reading articles from one is almost indistinguishable from the other’s. Which either tells you something about Norris, or more importantly might tell you something about Palin.

At the very least, let’s all be sure NOT to buy his book “Black Belt Patriotism” due in 2010. I guess he’s planning to karate-chop the nations problems? I’m sure that’ll help.

A real American would find this rhetoric baffling. A real writer would find this indecipherable. A real republican would find this garbage demeaning. A real Christian would find this hate-mongering misguided.

His articles are really not all that different than the memes – their just stupid jokes, with no real meaning, no factual basis, and nothing to add to our society on the whole. Time to let him fade back into obscurity, sentenced to toil between the hours of 7 AM and 8 AM on the USA Network for all eternity.

-Andy

Worst. Apple. Ever.

Saturday, November 21st, 2009
appletv

AppleTV, aka Satan

I write to all of you today in sheer frustration. It’s unusual for me to lament so openly about a topic like this – especially considering that the company who’s product I am about to condemn I usually hold in high regard. I speak, of course, of Apple, Inc. Year after year, product line after product line, I am almost never disappointed with  their offerings. Their computers, their monitors, their music players, even their printers – I can’t fault almost any of the products I’ve owned from them seriously.

Until I met AppleTV.

I may not be the first ‘Apple Fanboy’ to admit it – but this is unequivocally the worst product to come out of Cupertino.

Since many of you may have only heard of this hell-spawn in passing, let me outline it for you in brief. AppleTV is a small, flat square you plug into your TV, which can then be used to watch TV shows, Movies, or Music from your iTunes collection. Simple enough, right?

interface

Interface Fail.

It can and does do this – but in such a way that it is all but useless. The interface is clunky – it actually is reminiscent of the PlayStation 3, but only at the surface, because beneath lies a series of disjointed unintuitive interfaces and menu choices, each less helpful than the next, further compounded by a remote that is cleverly simplistic, but reprehensibly unresponsive. Each attempted click in the menu requires a force of will that no other remote-controlled device I’ve ever own has warranted. A ‘perfect storm’ of a clunky interface and a clunky remote turn a neat concept into an utter waste of time and money. A device who’s sole purpose is to entertain instead feels like a chore.

Even taking this vomitorium interface at it’s best – the idea behind it falls flat. I don’t know about you – but the majority of my video content does not come from iTunes (unlike my music) for several good reasons: the quality is extremely poor, the cost is just as high as DVD’s, and most of the content I can get for free (be it legitimately through hulu or netflix, or unceremoniously through torrents and rips). Thusly, my iTunes video library is nearly empty, and converting a smorgasbord of video files into MP4’s for iTunes would be a daunting, months-long task. Which basically means that any entertainment value that could be squeezed out of the terrible interface is next to nil anyways.

So basically what I bought was a $249 silver-white brick. To it’s credit, it does make a decent coffee cup warmer, as even sitting idle it’s hot to the touch.

Out-of-the-box it is surprisingly useless. I’d hoped it wouldn’t be this bad, but being that the original reason I purchased it was to run Boxee, it was hardly a devastating loss – rather, just a supreme disappointment in Apple. Forging ahead, I decided I get Boxee installed and actually get some use out of the thing.

It wasn’t all that simple a process, I’d come to find out. I followed Boxee’s install guide. I downloaded the Patchstick Creator, formatted a USB thumb drive I bought at Best Buy for just such an occasion, plugged it into my AppleTV, and rebooted.

It didn’t work. The menus it described would appear weren’t there at all – I tried it two more times, and suddenly it showed up. After that, I installed XMBC and Boxee through the new Launcher menu – rebooted, and Boxee was up and running.

I’ve already discussed the incredible program that is Boxee in another post – and seeing it on the AppleTV, I realized that this was how Apple was supposed to make a TV-connect computer. The channels, the myriad of content, the auto-suggestions – it was all so intuitive, so well organized, so beautiful – so unlike the actual AppleTV system. I watched a clip from Comedy Central, then tried to watch an episode of Glee on Hulu – but to my now continuing disappointment, Hulu was unbearably choppy. I rebooted but it didn’t improve. Frustrated, yet again, I scoured the internet for a solution. Reportedly few were experiencing this issue – but I wasn’t completely alone. I messed with hidden video settings, but nothing seemed to help. I decided a further reboot might, so I shut it down, and started it back up.

This time, however, there was a problem. Just days earlier, Apple released new “3.0” software for the AppleTV – a new interface, that was 10% prettier but 100% as useless. I was uninterested in it, so I didn’t download it before installing Boxee. I had used the Settings section to disable automatic updates, but apparently that menu option (which was Apple’s, not Boxee’s) was ineffectual. My AppleTV began to update itself.

l337 boxee hax

l337 boxee hax

It deleted Boxee (thank you very much Apple), rebooted into the new 3.0 menu, which after 2 minutes of using confirmed my suspicions (it was exactly as horrid as before, but horizontal instead of vertical. Yay.) Determined to get back to Boxee, I re-ran the patchstick instructions – but no matter what I did I couldn’t get the Launcher menus to show up.

Frustrated more than ever, I gave up. For weeks my AppleTV sat collecting dust. I ran across some manual install instructions in a Boxee forum, and decided today to give it a go. I’ve been messing with it all morning, and achieved some success. I am still having trouble getting an external hard drive with 500 GB of content to mount, and after installing something called NitoTV and still having no success, I am about to give up, presumably for good.

I’ve come to a cold realization: this is exactly how I don’t want to manage my videos. The AppleTV is not only terrible out-of-the-box, but the hurtles it presents to 3rd party plugins is so ludicrous that it almost nullifies and benefit from wonderful programs like Boxee. The whole experience – downloading drivers, plug-ins, updates, patches — it’s decidedly “windows” in it’s approach. Back in my IT days I’d spent countless hours doing very similar tasks on windows and linux servers, endless frustrating routines of updating. Nothing is simple, even things labeled as “automatic” prove to be anything but. What should be a tool for entertainment is actually causing the opposite, extra work.

I’d like to say to the folks at Boxee – well done, superb product. But I’m afraid the only way I’ll be using it is via a good ol’ fashioned Mac or this fabled “Boxee Box” I’ve heard rumored on the internet. Screw this POS AppleTV – it’s a worthless, underpowered hunk of junk. I for the life of me don’t understand how Apple can feel good about slapping their logo on this inept slug. It literally does nothing for me but blow hot air.

Do yourself a favor – if you want a media center – by a Mac Mini. If you want tedious setup, driver issues, endless updates, buy an AppleTV. Or just stick with a Media Center PC (shudder).

-Andy

Internet Misnomer Act of 2009

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

After seeing more and more on the ‘Nets about McCain’s insane bill misleadingly labeled as the Internet Freedom Act of 2009 that describes itself as a way to “allow for continued innovation”, and will “create more high-paying jobs for the millions of Americans who are out of work or seeking new employment” – I simply have to put in my two cents.

This whole bill is bullshit.

There’s my two cents. But I am still shocked at how many people simply don’t understand the bill itself (a group which apparently includes McCain- none of what he describes is outlined in the bill or a logical result of it being enacted), but more commonly what exactly ‘net-neutrality’ means these days, and perhaps most importantly the real reasons McCain introduced it in the first place.

"It's a Series of Tubes"

Looking at some very real letter’s to the FCC from IFA supporters, it’s clear to me that the people behind them don’t understand the very real, everyday, important connection between federal regulations and freedom. They keep falling in the same trap, assuming that more regulation means less freedom. It’s easy to forget that regulations can enforce freedoms (and not simply reduce them).

Take for example one of the most fundamental sets of regulations: the Bill of Rights. This document regulates our basic freedoms. It requires that all people, companies, legal entities etc. must grant others the freedoms of speech, to bear arms, to due process, to not search our houses without warrant, and so on and so on. The entire document is nothing more than a set of regulations that protect the people (us) from other people (and groups, companies, governments where applicable) from denying us our freedoms.

Not only can we grant freedom through regulation, our short history as a nation demonstrates that we must grant freedoms through regulation. If we have a social/economical/moral right of some kind, it will not be granted to us if there is no law to require it. We are left to the whim of the masters to dole out rights to us as they simply find convenient.

The Internet Freedom Act will prevent the government from regulating any kind of internet and IP-based traffic. This might sound like a warm and fuzzy idea to you, especially if you by principle like the government to be “hands off”. But what you need to remember is the Internet is fed to us through a very small group of companies, essentially like (or already are) utility companies, to which there is at any given time perhaps two or three businesses that can provide a usable path to the Internet. There are physical limits to the amount of lines that can be laid, to the amount of traffic that can be shared on each line, and FCC limits on the companies that can even lay lines in the first place. We can’t let the market decide which ISP’s are successful, the reality is that there will only be a few available at any given time.

Its not like a big truck.

"It's not like a big truck."

I ask you, do you want these few monopolies to decide how your internet is fed back to you? If you start a blog to voice your opinion, would you like Comcast or AT&T to decide if or how others could even see it? They don’t own your content – but they do own the only way for users to access it. If they felt like it they could block you, slow your connections down, or redirect traffic to other sites instead. The FCC is only trying to prevent this from happening.

If you can’t yet grant that we have a right to see information on the internet as we deem fit – imagine for a moment that we’re not talking about the internet, but simple phone service. We can draw a ton of parallels to our current ‘Net-Neutrality’ situation with the phone companies of yesteryear.

Currently, all phone providers are required, by FCC regulations, to provide service to all registered local telecom lines. Verizon must allow you to call AT&T, and they must allow you to call users on smaller networks like Cricket. This grants you the freedom to choose from a limited number of providers for phone service, but no matter what company you go with they all connect to the same local telecom lines. We’re all very used to this idea – I can call my brother’s Qwest line from my AT&T phone, or my parents on Comcast, my uncle on Verizon. And we can all call 911.

This is how FCC regulations grants us freedom to use the lines to connect with one another on the phone.

It might shock you to find out this is NO DIFFERENT than the Internet. For now at least, I can go to youtube through AT&T, to hulu over Comcast, to Wikipedia on Verizon. These abilities have been just happy coincidences – no law required this be the case. But as traffic rose, ISP’s began to change they way the handled traffic, and are already working hard to find ways to limit access as they deem fit. Without regulation, you’ll no longer have the freedom of access to the Internet.

This is how the FCC’s newest regulations grants us freedom to use the lines to connect with one another on the internet.

I don’t understand how you could be against internet-neutrality, when you’re all so happy with the government regulated freedoms on our phone lines. McCain was alive in the 60’s, I’m sure he’s old enough to be familiar with Bell-South’s iron fist. Back when you had to lease your phone from “MaBell” – when prices were fixed, without competition, for decades. Where poor customer service was the only choice (that or not have a phone at all). Maybe McCain’s so old he actually can’t remember how important it was to open the phone lines for general use. But back then, then FCC empowered the American people to communicate with one another without being squished by a monopolistic (even granting a naturally monopolistic) communication entity. I’m reminded from something I read a long time ago from AT&T when the government started telling them how to run the phones:

“There are two giant entities at work in our country, and they both have an amazing influence on our daily lives. . . one has given us radar, sonar, stereo, teletype, the transistor, hearing aids, artificial larynxes, talking movies, and the telephone. The other has given us the Civil War, the Spanish-American War, the First World War, the Second World War, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, double-digit inflation, double-digit unemployment, the Great Depression, the gasoline crisis, and the Watergate fiasco. Guess which one is now trying to tell the other one how to run its business?”

Ignoring the fact that Bell South really fell flat on their “artificial larynxes” programs, people are still arguing like this today – why should the government tell ISP’s how to run their business? The answer is the same now as it was for Bell-South in the 60’s – natural monopolies (or even oligopolies) need to be regulated in order to maintain our freedom of access. Without regulation, you simply sanction their ability to oppress the masses.

Consider the reality which arose after FCC regulations began opening up the phone lines:

“There are two giant entities at work in our country and they both have an amazing influence on our daily lives. . . one has given us high prices, poor customer service, eliminated all possible competitors, wasted millions in antitrust litigation cases. The other has given us the freedom to use the phone lines as we saw fit; allowed inventors to create and popularize faxes and modems which ignited the computer-driven business of the 70’s and 80’s made possible only because companies could so easily communicate and send electronic data over telecom lines; who opened communication internationally in what eventually became the foundational glue for global technological revolution on a scale never before seen in recorded history. Guess which one is now trying to tell the other one how to run its business?”

Net-neutrality is critical in security all our freedoms for controlling the internet as we see fit – as the market sees fit – and not just as the few ISP monopolies see fit.

If we need the “Internet Freedom Act of 2009”, then I’d argue we also need “Phone-line Freedom Act of 2009” – to prevent the government from regulating the phone system and all number-based telephony networks. Why should the government tell the big companies how to run the phone system? Let AT&T force us to lease our phones from them again. Let telecom development stagnate like the 60’s. What right does the government have to say how Bell South’s err, I mean Comcast/Verizon/AT&T should control their network!? I say, we give these companies back their freedom to restrict our access and options to the communications network. It worked so wonderfully in the 60’s, didn’t it, McCain?

Of all people, I feel like a dinosaur like him would understand, first-hand, how creating a Bell-South Internet will harm us all. But then you just need to look at his lobbyist contributions – McCain received over $800,000 from AT&T, Comcast, NCTA, and Verizon, which are all launching multimillion dollar grass root propaganda campaigns to stop net neutrality from enforcing our freedom. I’ll even grant that he simply doesn’t understand the issue – he’s been on record numerous occasions where he describes himself as a computer “illiterate”, who “never felt the particular need to email.”

Look, don’t be mislead on this. Don’t let the word ‘regulation’ scare you – this is about protecting our freedom of communication on the medium that defines our generation. The Internet is ours – not the ISP’s.

-Andy

Lucky Number 7

Wednesday, October 21st, 2009

I heard some news today that pre-order copies of Windows 7 have actually beat out sales records for Harry Potter books. Apparently the point was that Windows 7 is resoundingly popular, that it’s genuinely something people want to use. Let’s put that idea to rest right here, right now.

What’s the real reason 7 is selling so many pre-order copies? Because the last time most people had upgraded their PC’s OS was somewhere between 2002 and 2004. This is the 21st century – the “Age of Computers” – but somehow there is a sizable segment of the civilized population using technology that’s at best 5 years old, some even older. Moore’s Law states that computing power doubles just every two years. Basically – at best – most PC user’s hardware quadrupled in power – but their OS was almost 100% unchanged. Vista was there, in theory, to bridge the gap – but if you recall, system requirements were so ludicrously high that most people would have felt as if had took a step (or four) back in time, rather than forwards. Those that could afford the hardware to take advantage of the slick Aero interface were continually frustrated by a number of usability and stability issues. What was supposed to dawn a new age of Windows users, was an unequivocal, un-adopted failure.

Businesses literally decided years ago, en mass, to “wait” for the bugs of Vista to be ironed out. Windows 7 purportedly fixes the oh-so-many issues of Vista, and thus it’s no real surprise a lot of people are jumping for it. I keep hearing phrases like “7 is what Vista was supposed to be.” I can only assume what they mean is that Vista wasn’t supposed to suck – leading me to the conclusion that the driving factor behind buying a copy of 7 is that it doesn’t suck as much.

XP users have been starved of an update for so long, living in a computerized dark age of sorts, that they are literally clamoring to see any kind of progress. It’s also no wonder, then, that people like it – most are coming from an OS that was released near the turn of the century – or worse, from a cesspool of issues in Vista. Frankly it’s hard not to improve you’re OS once every 10 years or so.

But come on people, let’s not all start talking about how wonderful everything is. I don’t want to hear it – I know exactly how “wonderful” it is. (Answer: not very.) So let’s take a look at what Windows 7 offers us, given we had purchased one of the more expensive “Editions”, in the tedium of a feature-by-feature breakdown. Enjoy:

Feature Break It Down The Horrible Truth
Multi-core processing The OS supports up to 2. Still behind – Mac can do up to 4, Linux distros can do better
DirectAccess 95% of users will never use this The remaining 5% will never get it to work
HomeGroup Reviewers say it’s nearly plug and play. But lets face it, that’ll be a best case. In any rate, sharing printers and hard drives still boil down to a driver management nightmare. More and more households have more than 1 computer. When this does work it’ll be nice, but it’s really only 1 link in the chain of potential problems accessing networked devices. Plus the interface continues is still overly complicated for general users.
Kernel Improvements Who cares? Unix/Linux/Mac still boasts a stronger, faster, more streamlined kernel
Handwriting Recognition Better – but still sucks. Worthless to those that try to use it – but 99% of users won’t even know it’s there
Virtual Hard Disks You could do this before with software. Unix/Linux/Mac could do this for decades. Way to catch up. My bet- it’s still a hacked-up feature
Snap You can resize windows. As exciting as this sounds, I feel like this is just going to become annoying as you accidentally Snap windows just by touching corners. It’s a band-aid for their broken window-switching methods to begin with.
Windows Media Center Ok – you started over. You have features coming out the wazoo in WMC. Here’s the thing – you’ll need to shove a huge PC next to your TV to get it to do half of the crap advertised. The interface is kind of pretty, but ultimately it’s all fluff. Beats the crap out of AppleTV – a marginal victory though, considering even “apple fanatics” continue to call the ATV the “worst product to ever come out of Cupertino.” Way to beat out the worst! Oh, and you could probably get a better user experience with a regular Macbook and Xbox.
PowerShell This has been around since 2003. Way to throw it in the package. Only the darkest server rooms will use it – and it still is far more cumbersome than a simple bash script (Linux/Mac) and useless to anyone without a degree in IT. Automater (Mac) is vastly more powerful for average users.
New Calculator Seriously? Why even bother advertising this Yay – you can now do 50% of what Google Search will do, and 1% of WolframAlpha can do.
Touch You can use a touchscreen PC or laptop I’m sure all 4 owners of touch-enabled PC’s will be thrilled.
Control Panels! So many new complicated and user-unfriendly panels! I can’t wait to figure out what the hell ClearType Text Tuner will do! More ≠ better. I’m so happy they added a ton of new tools to confuse their users.
New Gadgets The most useless feature of Vista is back! Now with more control panels! I hated these in Vista. They’re useless. They’re memory hogs. They’re neat for about 5 minutes until you realize you never needed a virtual clock on your desktop.
Action Center All those annoying persistent pop ups have a new layout. Now they’re larger, and “up to 45% more annoying” They also tied it with Vista’s fantastic update center. I can’t wait for it to bug me about updates every 5 minutes.
Improved Recovery! Trust me, you’ll need this. There is nothing more important to a Windows PC than backup. That way, when you corrupt it with the thousands of managers and updaters, infect it with viruses and malware – you can at least “Recover” – that is until you discover the recover state is corrupted and then not only useless at that moment, but had uselessly wasted all that time tediously managing backups up in the first place.
Improved Troubleshooting! Trust me, you’ll need this. I can’t wait for a glorified Wizard to ask me useless, un-helpful questions about the many, many issues that arise. Is it plugged in? Did you try turning it off and on yet?
Aero Peek You can look at stuff before it opens. QuickLook anyone?
Aero Shake You can shake a window to see the desktop You’ll probably activate this when you didn’t mean to most of the time. Then when you want it you’ll need to shake feverishly to get it to activate. Also, Mac has had this for 5 years, and does it in 4 different ways.
Taskbar I can’t tell you how ecstatic I am to see so many genuinely helpful improvements to Taskbar Most people won’t be able to figure out the new features. Power users will – but I’d bet most of them will simply auto-hide this sucker and almost never use them, alt-tabbing like the good old days. I’d still take Exposé anyday. Perhaps they wouldn’t need to spend so much time managing windows if WINDOWS ≠ PROGRAMS. Programs should spawn 0 or more windows, that way you don’t have to manage so many panels
SOAP Integration Programmers don’t have to .NET! Awesome. Anything that gets us out of the hell hole known as .NET programming.
BitLocker It’ll encrypt your files. It’s already been cracked. It slows the whole computer down. ‘Nuf said.
Internet Spades, Backgammon, Checkers Studies have shown that 2/3 of the time spent on Windows since the release of Win2k has been used playing Solitare. Finally, we’ll have something to fill the remaining 1/3. Why they ever removed these from Vista, I’ll never know. Oh right, I remember now – they’re outdated, cheap wastes of time.
Component-level control You can turn shit off. At least now you can shut down all those terrible Windows programs, from IE to Search to Gadgets. I can’t wait to turn off all their new features!! I wish they had a button to make it work and look exactly like XP.
Location-Aware Printing It selects a printer for you automagically. Mac has done this for literally 9 years, Also, selecting printers is just step 1. Step 2 is having a problem, step 3 is troubleshoot, 4 is reinstalling the driver…
RDP Improvements Now your IT guy can stream movies straight to your PC! Seriously, almost no one but IT staff use RDP. You’re grandmother can’t even spell it consistently. Why bother adding things like this? We aren’t all going to start using our PC’s as broadcasted theaters.
Live Essentials Remember Windows Photo Gallery, Windows Movie Maker, and Windows Mail? No? Well they renamed them. All those terrible Vista programs – they’re back, and with a new name and 0 new features!!
Security Enhancements All those annoying, useless popups asking for permission are reduced to only a handful of annoying, useless popups asking for permission. Let’s not delude ourselves. There are already a skew of viruses that get right around their “security” precautions, and instead rewriting the baseline infrastructure to prevent this in Vista – they bandaged it with annoying popups that actually did nothing for security. Removing them was a smart move – but thinking they were a good idea in the first place was profoundly dumb.
PowerManagement Compared to Vista, it’s got better battery life. That’s only because Vista was so terrible at power management. Also, independent tests have shown some of the best improvements of battery life are on Mac hardware, and Mac OS will still outlast it on the same hardware doing the same thing.
“Editions” Now in slightly less than 31 flavors. Vista was an edition disaster. Ultimate-home-premium-business-basic  … chipotle ranch. No one could decipher that mess. It’s marginally better now, but they still make it vastly more confusing than it needs to be. And I still feel their distinction between feature sets is arbitrary and unfair to their customers.
Improved Search They had this in Vista. Now it’s 10% less bloat-y. It was better than regular search (I’ll miss that damn puppy, may you and Clippy RIP in hell)  but still pretty terrible. Spotlight beats the crap out of it under real use since their harddrives are journaled, making it faster, easier to index, and best of all – requires no defragmentation.

Oh, and those sales figures: “Over the past three months, only Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol has sold more copies than Windows 7, which is an incredible achievement for a software product.”

That’s right, popularity goes something like: Harry Potter -> Windows 7 -> Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol. Maybe you could pass out a few copies to your friends at your terrifically boring Windows 7 launch party.

-Andy

Robot Roll Call

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

Just a quick followup to my last post – I originally wrote something a bit more generalized, but I realized that it was entirely too boring to show here and boiled it down to an ADD-compatible list of my Top 5 MST3k Episodes of All Time. But if you’re at all like me, then you have an unexplainable affinity for data plotted in graphical linear representations, aka graphs. I came up with this little illustrative piece that I might as well share here now that my affinity for Mystery Science has been revealed. It plots the hilarity quotient (or “HQ”) of MST3k episodes over time. As you can see, the series had a bit of a rough start, but it changed hosts halfway through the 5th season (from Joel Hodgson to Mike Nelson) and it was also around this time that Bill Corbet took over the role of Crow – and once this dream team came together the show really took off:

MST3k Over Time

Lets just all be thankful that Mike didn’t stick with TGI Fridays for long. And yeah I know, it’s just a lame graph … to some. But I like graphs, even pie ones:

-Andy